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[11 Feb 2005|03:35am] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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outkast |
] |
I watch as the acid enters me
Fills my veins, burns my skin
My eyes explode, a stream of colors
Lizards as kings, sitting around the kitchen table
A suburian family sitting down to a nice meal
Flowers bleed red on their walls
And as the children eat their meatloaf
The salt and pepper have a duel
The butter intervens and the fight is done
A cold shutter runs through the house
Fire sweeps through, burning the carpet
Melting the tv
The grass feels good on the face
After an experience like that
what the fuck is that? i found a piece of paper shoved in my drawer with it written on it, in my hand writing. i dont remember writing this at all......
as for life, im bored with it. im bored with college and partying, theres onyl so many times that you can get fucked up before it starts to get old.....REAL OLD. I do like the fact that im changing due to college. New music, new schedules, new trouble to get into, new everything.....yet its still boring.
i want to start a crazy band, one like 100 demons or blood for blood, like a crazy hardcor band where i can let out alot of aggression. i mean what would be better then play guitar on stange with 500 screaming kids around you beating the shit out of each other. like for instance one gets to close to you, you could just smash him in the face with you guitar and no one would think twice about it. i mean its cruel violence, but im so stressed and pissed about my life that it would do me some good.
i just realized something as i wrote that last paragraph, when your in high school its called depression, but as you get older and graduate, it becomes stress, causeyour not allowed to be stressed in high school, cause its high school, but since we're in the "real world" now, we can be stressed.
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[18 Dec 2004|02:18am] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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living in exile |
] |
my first semester was sham, a hoak, i fucked it up to the point that i hate myself for it, and thats just about the grades. on the other hand, its been fun and exciting. on the other hand its not as fun sometimes and usually i become sick of these people and this place.
honestly, im lonely, im sick of not having really close friend who i can totally trust, sure i have a few great friends, but its nothing i could trust. i also see myself being formed into someone who im not, other peoples music and styles are rubbing off on me and i dont feel like losing my identity.
i dont know what that whole last statements were about, i believe it was the drugs talking. ive tried some new ones by the way, one whaite one that ill never touch again and a couple pills and some acid.
i just heard some guy say on tv to our beloved theif, George W. Bush, that he finally feels that "god is now in the white house"............................anyone else feel sort of scared for this sheltered human being?
my latest writing, i found this crushed under my pillow after a night of tripping
fear. the sensation runing down my spine, people arent forms, just blurs. i watch as the party turns from many people to one blob. forever my neck seems to ache, my eyes hurt and my fingers bleeding......my finger....what wromg? that knife, the skin, why is the crusted blood stuck to my nail, whats going on here?
minutes turn to hours, what time did i take it at and what time is it now? suddenly she was next to me, i tried to look er in the eye but it was tough to follow them as they melted into her nose and mouth. her hair was on fire, and her figure was full of curves. she gave me her name, her number she wrote on the back of my hand, slowly i watched as the letters ran up my arm. i remember her name to be andrea, i met her in salem, remember that. end transmission.
what kind of counrty could do this?
sorry to all who lost something
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[22 Nov 2004|04:40am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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96 quite bitter things |
] |
well ill be twenty three when the theif leaves the office.
things are well i suppose. not much recording-wise, i wish there was more, but next semester holds a great deal of recording. max is moving into my room i believe and we're going to just record shit.
uhhh
If you wanna hang out you’ve got to take her out; cocaine.
If you wanna get down, down on the ground; cocaine.
She don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie; cocaine.
If you got bad news, you wanna kick them blues; cocaine.
When your day is done and you wanna run; cocaine.
She don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie; cocaine.
If your thing is gone and you wanna ride on; cocaine.
Don’t forget this fact, you can’t get it back; cocaine.
She don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie; cocaine.
She don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie; cocaine.
what a useless entry
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| the horrible people |
[27 Oct 2004|04:26am] |
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mood |
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discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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lounge act |
] |
the drug induced state of the skinny man, made it hard for him to see the broken stairs in the rundown apartment building. his shins showed this as his foot slipped into the darkness of a missing stair. the door with the upside down three was his destination. he reached for the doorknob and as he turned it, he felt the stickyness on the palm of his hand.
there was a fouls smell in the apartment. he stumbled through the first room. in it sat a lone red rug on the ground. upon it sat a little old spanish woman and her young child. they looked up at the stange fellow as he passed through. returning to the telelvision screen, the woman utters some spanish.
the second room, a kitchen, no surrounds the man. empty, no occupants, except a lone fifties style table. the thrid room opens up infront of him, a bedroom with a small bathroom off to the side. a younger, but legal, girl sat on the side of the bed, her dirty lingerie thrown carelessly on her body. by the time he was at her side, his trip had become intense. he watched her lips moved as she spoke cracked english about prices, yet he heard none of it.
in five minutes they were all over each other. him ontop of her, her ontop of him. fifteen minutes later, it was climaxing. by twenty minutes, they were at the seperate ends of the bed, getting dressed. the gangly man stood and pulled a fat roll of money out of his pocket.
"gracias, puesto habla de esto."
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[16 Sep 2004|12:54pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
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music |
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big cheese |
] |
i sit alone most days. wondering why im here, and where here could possibly be. this is the first written version of my thoughts and whether or not you want to hear them, im going to tell you and you, whoever you may be, is going to sit there and listen to every fucking word i say. my life is a fucking grind, and theres no point to it. no shut up, i know its whiney, but shut the fuck up. i feel a huge pressure on my shoulders, not from home, not from school, not from my friends, or any of that bullshit. i know whats its from and i dont think it will ever ever ever ever ever go away. its from al my emotions that are bottled up, i have too much to say and no one to listen.
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy
all work and no plauy makes jack a dull boy
all worka nd no playu makes hackl a dull boy
all sowk and np d[;aojkf makes dick a fucked boy
fuck you you stupid repetitive bullShjot'wtttt
dont got nothing for you.........................
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[04 Sep 2004|05:50pm] |
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mood |
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 complacent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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my my hey hey |
] |
Alone
Track Listing:
1: Happy For All the Wrong Reasons by Myself
2: Anticipation by Myself
3: My My, Hey Hey by Neil Young
4: Keep On Rocking in the Free World by Neil Young
5: Beautiful World by David Bowie
6: The Ghost of Tom Joad by Bruce Spingsteen
7: Black Day by Myself
Album Release Date: Halloween
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[03 Sep 2004|04:59pm] |
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mood |
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cold |
] |
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music |
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machine gun |
] |
it will be four years since ive been home
in four years time
my last words of anger
came at my departure
"fuck you" i said to the unhappy man
as he dropped my things on my new bed
ive been sent away for my treasons
to a new concrete prison
and yet im happy for all the wrong reasons
ive grown after four years time
and now its time to get whats mine
my work at the yard was long and stenious
but by fall's midseason
ill be in vermont
but im still happy for all the wrong reasons
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[03 Aug 2004|05:11pm] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
] |
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music |
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fuck you |
] |
so today my dad comes home from work and is like have you done all this shit for college saying that he told me about it like a month ago, he starts throwing allthese pieces of paper at me saying that he showed me this all and i said "i already know" well thats bullshit, he hasnt shown me one thing that is due in THREE FUCKIGN DAYS. now its my fault that all this horseshit is going to be late. i think my dad wants me to fail at life, its his plan. also hes giving me shit about not doing anything all day. please inform me on how a teenager without a job nor a car does things! and what the hell are these things he wants me to do? does he want me to go do the things that i did when i had a car and/or a job? which pretty much consisted of getting fucked up and sleeping. i mean i still have been getting stoned but now its so much more rarely than before. he bitches because i dont get up till 10, come on, its summer, most of my friends dont get up till fucking 1 or 2 in the afternoon. one more month and im freeeeeeee
on another note, this always being home is really starting to get to me, im a preson who really needs to be doing something all the time for my good and for everyone elses. being home all the time is leaving me with alot of free time and frankly that isnt any good.
ontop of that i cant geta job because no one will hire me for less than a month. give me a fucking break, im turning into john, who is now soo low on the food chain that he is sleeping in his garage.
bye
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| leave me alone |
[28 Jul 2004|12:58am] |
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mood |
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bored |
] |
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music |
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freedom bitch |
] |
(x) - you've done
(-) - you haven't done
(x) been drunk
(x) smoked pot
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(-) kissed a member of the same sex
(-) crashed a friend's car
(-) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(-) had anal sex
(x) been in love
(-) had sex
(-) had sex in public - and at a friends house
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
(x) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
(-) had a threesome
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
(-) been tied up (sexually)
(-) been caught masturbating
(-) pissed on myself
(-) had sex with a member of the same sex
(-) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
(x) stole something from my job
(-) celebrated new years in time square
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(-) had a crush on a teacher
(-) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(-) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
(-) slept with a co-worker
(-) cut myself on purpose
(-) had sex at the office
(-) been married
(-) gotten divorced
(-) had children
(-) seen someone die
(-) been to Africa
(-) tasted my own sexual fluids.
(-) fucked one of my Live journal friends
(-)Slapped someone I loved
(-) Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball
(x Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x)seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(-)Have been fisted and/or fisted someone else
(x) Thrown up in a bar
(x) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been snowboarding
(-) Had sex at a friend's house when they were throwing a party
(-) Met someone in person from the interweb
(-) Watched two (or more) people have sex (not porn, real life)
(x) Been moshing at a concert
Name four bad habits you have:
1.) biting my nails
2.) writer block
3.) procrastinating
4.) unmotivated
Name four things that you wish you had:
1.) new guitar amp
2.) new guitar
3.) a car insurance policy
4.) recording equipment
Name four scents you love:
1.) marijuana
2.) cigars
3.) gasoline
4.) .......
Name four things you'd never wear:
1.) prep cothes
2.) expensive clothes
3.) a suit
4.) pink clothes
Name four things you are thinking about right now:
1.) how much ill get for those records that im going to sell
2.) whos coming the party
3.) the album
4.) trying to get some work done but it isnt happening
Name four things that you have done today:
1.) woke up at 10
2.) drove to the doctors to give them some paper
3.) didnt shower
4.) slept and wrote
Name the last four things you have bought:
1.) a snare stand
2.) poker chips for reardon
3.) pot
4.) mcdonalds
Name four drinks you regularly drink:
1.) water
2.) iced tea
3.) coke
4.) juice
Name the last four people you have kissed/been kissed by:
1.) that girl at orientation
2.) ....
3.) i cant remember
4.) at all
Name four random facts about yourself:
1.) i play guitar
2.) i smoke pot
3.) i drink ocassionaly
4.) i like girls
1.What's the middle name of first person you slept with?: n/a
2. What kind of underwear are you wearing, and what color are they?: i dunno boxers? and black
3. What song do you want played at your funeral?: why cant we be friends becase i think it would be a funny moment i guess
4. What is the number of your sluttiest friend so that some of your single friends can get some action?: his name is john and im me for hi snumber hahahahaha
5. What would your last meal be before being executed?: steak
6. Beatles or Stones?: both suck
7. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?: the person guy thing
8. The person whose problems you wouldn't want to hear?: johns
9. What is the thing most important to you about your preferred sex?: funny i guess
10. Do you secretly hate some of your friends but are too nice to reject them?: not really
11. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?: read people's minds
12. Favorite hangover cure?: i dunno, but dont try to clean out your alcohol covered car while hungover
13. How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?: a half bottle of tequilla does teh trick
14. Favorite song lyric? just stare relive the nightmare
15. Hair color you most like someone you're dating to have?: brown i guess never liked a blonde
16. If you had to be blind or deaf, which would you choose?: blind
17. Do you have any psychiatric problems?: probably
18. Siblings that should go to rehab?: uhh definitly
19. Least favorite month?: march
20. Favorite hateful thing to do to somebody?: i dunno
21. First movie you remember seeing as a kid?: fox and the hound
22. Favorite person in the whole world?: her
23. When's the last time you went on a date?: i dunno really, what do you call a date, idf it just means going to dinner with a girl then ive doen that many times or is it more.....
24. Do you like violent movies or dirty movies? both i guess
25. Fall or spring? fall
26. Person you most wish you hadn't made out with?: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
27. If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with?: if i was straight which i am, why would i ponder this question....i wouldnt
28. Where do you want to live when you are old and brittle?: nowhere
29. Who is the person you can count on the most?: most reliable would have to be brett
30. If you could date any celebrity, past or present, time and age are not a factor?: marissa thome
31. What books have you pretended to read?: never have
32. What's a word you'd use to describe your life?: complicated
33. What's your favorite drinking game?: beer pong
34. What did you dream about last night?: falling
35. Favorite vice?: i don't know
36. What's the last thing you'd ever tell someone?: who her is
A-Age: 18
B-Best Friend: scott, brett, justin, meghan, es
C-Choice of Meat: steak?
D-Dream Date: her
E-Exciting Adventure: to the nursery school to smoke pizzot
F-Favorite Food: steak and cheese sub with onions
G-Greatest Accomplishment: never being arrested...yet
H-Happiest Day Of Your Life: i dunno
I-Interests: music, pot, music, pot, women
J-Joke: what do you call a black guy on a bike? a criminal what do you call two black guys on a bike? organized crime
K-Krispy: what is?
L-Love: her
M-Most Valued: anyone but me
N-Name: jarad
O-Outfit You Love: bob marley shirt and jeans
P-Pizza Toppings: bacon
Q-Question Asked To You the Most: what do you wanna do?
R-Radio Station: none
S-Sport: baseball
T-Television Show: simpsons
U-Umbrella in the rain?: nah
V-Video: music video: testify by rage, TV/DVD: the wall
W-Winter: no
X-X-rays: many
Y-Year Born: 1986
Z-Zodiac Sign: aries
this is how fucking bored i am
motherfuckers, the lot of them
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| witnessing history repeating |
[15 Jul 2004|10:18am] |
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mood |
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depressed |
] |
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music |
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blah |
] |
hi
where to begin, i dotn even feel like writing, i havent for awhile, usually im all into it, but when everything you write pertains to the same person or thing, it starts to get boring, no matter how passionate you are about that person/thing.
my last week has pretty much been focused on writing music and recording, thats all ive done pretty much.
yesterday was good though. scott came over, liek he usually has been, and we jammed while es took pictures of us for the album. it was an excellent jam and the photos that es took were really good. last night i hung out with meg and we went to applebees for dinner and then watch i love the 90s at her house. it twas fun.
i really dont have much more to say really, nothing interesting has happened
oh, theres a party at my house on the 31st of july if you would like to attend, then let me know, i think the bands going to play and were just going to hangf out and such. well untill next time.
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| the man with the yellos hate lost his monkey |
[10 Jul 2004|11:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drunk |
] |
| [ |
music |
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why dont you try simply reading a book? |
] |
your corporations
depleting
your american ways
fleeting
my rights
dissappearing
as our congress passes laws
your freedom
non-realistic
his means of ruling
sadistic
he has become
narcissistic
as important as a king
his agendas
crude oil
his plans
theyve turned to spoils
his ventures
they haved toiled
and been dragged on for so long
its time
to return
our favorite monkey boy
to his owner
the man
the legend
the man with the yellow hat
he has lost his monkey
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| i think im dying |
[10 Jul 2004|12:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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shes says shes tired of life |
] |
hey
so its been awhile since i actually wrote anything, as in thoughts or feelings i have, all its been is lyrics and stuff. so where to begin.....
last friday i got my car taken away for two reasons, one i broke into my dads liquor cabinent, two i owe him like 800 in back owed insurance payments. he also fired me from work, so i have no income....sort of sucks. also my computer has crashed like three times this week, losing all the recordings from the band. its one of those weeks again.
without a car, boredom seeps in very quickly.
last saturday i went to see incubus with meg, tobi, and big show (tobi's boyfriend), it was fun, i had a really good tinme, i wish i hadnt been as stoned as i was, i was really trippy, my mind was all over the place. sorry to everyone if i was too quiet, just the mix of pot and depression isnt working for me right now. usually it helps, but lately all its been giving me is headaches, naushea, and quietness. i think i may stop for awhile. at least im not doing it everyday anymore.
im worried about my future and whos going to be in it, im glad im friends again with meg, cause it wasnt much fun without her, but me and es have drifted apart to the point where we barely talk and we used to have cool phone calls and i thought of her as not only my favorite smoking buddy, but a really good friend. i called her the other day and were suppose to hang out, i hope we dont drift apart, shes probably one of the few people who i truly love, not like in love with her, but i have a great deal of respect for her. also i fidn myself to be hanging out with scott and john alot. the reason for scott is cause hes half my band and we record everyday almost. hes really cool, i enjoy hanging out with him the msot out of all my friends because its all laughs and alot of fun. the reason for john, eventhough i hate him for the things hes done to me, is probably because i need to depend on him for rides.
what else is new....
fuck raoul has recorded 5 tracks, but since my computer died, we lost them all. so hopefully we will record them again shortly. also bishop has offered to build us a website when he returns from vacation, im excited and think that it will turn out for the best.
i recently attended my oreintation for college at umass amherst, im wicked excited about going, its going to be fun. i went down with bishop and had a cool roommate, i also met the roommate that im going to have in the fall, his names erik and we just sort of randomly met and decided to room, its cool cause hes not gonna be there most of hte time, or so he says. but overall i spent most ofthe time with bishop and this girl jillian bourgeois, i think thats hoiw you spell it, shes from my school as well. it was fun, i met alot of cool people and i cant wait to go in the fall.
im currently in a war with my dad, we barely speak and when we do we swear at each other and its heated......i like it.....hes gonna crack anytime soon, hes going nuts with having to drive my sister everywhere....haha
depression could become irrelavent, or will it stick with me until the end
and do i still love her, my lyrics say i do, my mind says i do, but do i really? im losing myself in your transfixtion, your manipulation, damned nations......
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[04 Jul 2004|01:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tireness |
] |
Anticipation
I remember
First time I saw you
You're so beautiful
I want to love you
You're my admission
My addiction
My words for you are
Anticipation
I remember
Next time I saw you
You're still beautiful
I still love you
And you're my admission
My addiction
My words for you are
Infatuation
I remember
Last time I saw you
You've become beautiful
I wish I had you
Still my admission
My fucking addiction
Same words for you
Annihilation
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| off to the shower |
[12 Jun 2004|01:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
franz ferdinand - take me out |
] |
what is the geekiest part of your music collection?
weezer and harvey danger
what do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?
left overs and water
what is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
adaptation when the brother dies, only movie ive ever teared up at
if you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
nothing...never
do you have a completely irrational fear?
spiders
what is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moment?
my eyelid twitches
do you know anyone famous?
no
describe your bed.
its a futon mattress on the floor with sleeping bags as sheets and a blanket
spontaneous or plan?
spontaneous, everything i plan out doesnt work
do you know how to play poker?
yup
what do you carry with you at all times?
keys, cell phone, wallet, lighter, bag
what do you miss most about being little?
life was fun, now its a drag
are you happy with your given name?
its ok
how much money would it take to get you to give up internet for 1 year?
2000, so i can buy a new guitar and amp to keep myself busy
what colour is your bedroom?
many colors, white, red, black, green, brown
what was the last song you were listening to?
slither by velvet revolver.
have you ever been in a play?
nope
have you ever been in love?
twice
do you talk a lot?
if i like the people im talking to
do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
about 15% of the tinme
do transient, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?
no, arm the homeless
do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
i try to be, i want to help people, but i have my own fucked up greed to deal with.
what's one thing you wish you could do but can't?
write good
what is your ideal marriage location?
in my backyard with my family, not a formal event, like a barebeque
which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
drums
something you love and hate?
music
what kind of bedding do you use?
wood chips....i dunno
do you tell your friends about your sex life?
nope
what's the one language you want to learn?
i sorta know french, so ill have to say german
what do you order at a bar?
nothing, i dont drink, it kills your liver. look at me, preaching, i smoke all the time, my lungs probably suck
have you ever pierced your body parts?
no
do you have tattoos?
i want one of che on my arm
do you drive stick?
nope, im a wuss
what's one trait you hate in a person?
dishonesty
what kind of watch(es) do you wear?
none, dont own one
do you consider yourself materialistic?
seeing i threw out half of my belongings the other day, ill have to say no
what do you cook the best?
italian food
favourite writing instrument?
pen and paper, typing sucks
do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
stand ou
do you have anything monogrammed?
monogrammed?
what's one car you will never buy?
element
what kind of books do you like to read?
mindbenders?
if you won the lottery, what would you do?
give it all away, minus the money for a new guitar and amp, i dont need money, no want for it.
burial or cremation?
neither, frozen?
how many online journals do you read regularly?
7?
what's one thing you're a sore loser at?
i dunno
if you don't like a person, how do you show it?
i wont talk to them or coem in contact with them
do you cry in front of friends?
havent yet, well at my moms funeral, but give me a break
what's one thing you like to do alone?
write, i hate people reading what i write unless im not in the room
are you a giver or a taker?
giver
what have you stolen before?
many things
how many drinks before you're tipsy?
none, i dont drink
do you ever have to beg?
for forgivness?
have you ever done any illegal drugs?
yeah
do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?
i dunno
what's the most painful experience you've ever had?
ehhhh....eiher one of the major surgerys, facing my moms casket, or going through her journals and finding out how fucked up she was and realizing where i get it from
favourite communication method?
face to facem everything else is too impersonal
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[10 Jun 2004|10:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
no feeling |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothing |
] |
i love her so much, i wouldnt want to be with her. since i only want her to be happy, i have nothing to do with it.
im so sick of bitching and complaining about things, so im going to stop, im going to just be queit and stop voicing my opinion because obvioulsy 1) no one cares 2) my opinions suck and 3) i hate what i tthink and im too fuckign retarded to realize it and change it, i want so much from life, but the only way to get it is to work at it, and ive seen too many people fail to even try.
tonight i seriously thought about suicide and got close to actaully doing it, but since im a coward, i didnt, hence me talking to you now.
so i was hanging out with this girl and her boyfriend and yeah, never do that, its like so awkward and i shouldnt of done it, and its the second time i have, see i am stupid and a fool. i just proved it
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| kensiko |
[05 Jun 2004|10:42am] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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jeremy |
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ok...hey...
much to do and much has gone down. school is out and i passed anatomy. graduation party is today at 2. anyways...enough about that.....the band is what i want to talk about. this is the first time ive actually wanted to talk about something in this thing, im usually just bored.
anyways
the band(s) needed to be straightened out for my sake of sanity. theres two bands. the one with me, scott, and jeff which is known as The Jenkins Brothers Band, which isnt doing much because we can never find the time to jam all togehter. now the band that has its album release of june 26th, by the way theres a big party that night, album release party either IM me at Rageatmzdlrbf on AIM or call my cellular phono at 508-284-4676. so the name of this band, which consists of just me and scott, is going to be Fuck Raoul, just because its a cool name, haha. and the name of the cd that we are releasing is going to be called, Destroying Myself Selectivly.
im so full of energy about this project. got all new recording equipment and were gonna start monday. so yeah, come to the party if you want. the cd will be $5 a piece and all proceeds are going to be donated to the Aids Foundation. and if you dont want to help the thousands of kids who have aids, you can have a cd for free....we're not metallica, we dont bitch about people listening to our music for free.
bye
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[04 Jun 2004|02:52pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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yeah yeah yeah |
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yesterday, best practice ever.
decided all the songs weve already written, all the ones i posted here earlier are complete crap, so we decided to ditch them all except All Alone Now, Perpetual Alchohol, and Kill Through. each of the songs we're keeping will probably be changed around.
so we wrote nine songs in 3 hours.
pleased....very very.....pleased....
hope the prom was fun for everyone
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| your love is a verb, here in my room |
[31 May 2004|12:26pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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music |
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here in my room |
] |
so whos this girl you like?
who?
that girl, the one you have the huge thing for and cant get over
the girl in my grade?
yeah
why do you want to know who she is?
because im curious
im not telling you, your a man whore why do i need you to know
takes a drag from his cigarette well maybe i can help you out
no thanks i dont need help from the human germ factory. your the kid who goes around making out and fucking anything around here that has two arms and two, if i need help with an std, ill come find you.
eh fuck you, so who is she?
no one
why cant you get over her?
its complicated
how so?
none of your damn business, besides you wouldnt understand with the way you go around fucking.
dude, ill understand
no, you wont, just leave me alone and take a hit of this. hands him a joint.
puffing on the joint. your gonna have to tell me sooner or later, ill find out.
no you wont, is it really that important to you to know why im depressed?
yeah....sure
because i cant eat nor sleep anymore because of her. shes all i think about, and i dont get it at all. i dont want to think about her anymore, just want to get rid of her in my mind. but its not that easy.
just dont think of her.
you dont understand, you dont like someone for three years then all of a sudden forget about them. i mean with you, you meet a girl, call her your "girlfriend" and fuck her a couple times, then never return their calls, your a scumbag and a dirty kid.
yeah but at least im getting laid.
id rather not get laid than to be a scumbag.
anything else the matter other than her?
no, just her, i cant think of anything else to be the matter. answer me this. why do girls like guys who treat them like shit? you always see the asshole guys, like yourself, with all these beautiful women. why is that?
because i have confidence.
so do i. i can perform on stage without getting all uneasy.
its different, you dont have confidence artound women, theyre different then performing your stupid songs.
yeah they are stupid.
theyre not, but they could be better, your just lazy.
odd.
yeah.
well let me hit that and then you can go bang another chick, im gonna go and record.
yeah, i have to meet her at 6 tonight.
later.
peace.
i had this dream the other night where i was sitting on my back porch with john (aka the manwhore) and i remember the entire conversation vividly. hes in bold, im not. bye
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| you dont see me |
[23 May 2004|08:55pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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libras |
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so i feel like shit, my body and head hurt. i am the kings of getting headache, i always do and no reason at all. it sucks. my level of physical pain is like equal to the amount of depression i have, and i have alot of it. the recording process is long and painful, my eyes hurt from staring at a computer screen for long amounts of time and my fingers have blisters and cuts from playing things over and over and over. but i decided to post all the lyrics to the five songs here, so here:
------------------------------
Perpetual Alcohol
I may have lost my fucking mind
Thoughts and feelings, things I can’t see
My body withers and decays
Maybe I’ll be back another day
I don’t care
My mind isn’t here
I wish I could apologize
For the deception and mouth full of lies
My skin shakes, I scrape for the door
My body falls, pain becoms sore
I don’t eat
I don’t sleep
I don’t sleep
I don’t sleep
Anymore
---------------------------------
All Alone Now
i would love to love you
if you let me
i would like to be with you
if you let me
id love to see you
if you let me
i would like to kill you
if you let me
i dont mean to hurt you
you just let me
i didnt mean to kill you
you just let me
i didnt mean to love you
you just made me
i never meant to see you
you just had me
i would love to leave now
but you wont let me
i would love to kiss you
if you let me
im so stoned now
you had to let me
i would love to leave now
please just let me
i would love to leave now
please just let me
please just let me
please just let me
------------------------
Kill Through
I killed your son.
I killed your mother.
I killed that priest.
And I killed the father.
I killed the cop.
All with my dagger.
Come and get me.
I killed my boy.
I killed his mother.
I killed the slave.
I slaughtered the driver.
I killed the bush.
All with my dagger.
Come and get me.
--------------------------
Hypocrisy
In a world where segregation and the rules of monarch still exists. A world with no beauty until I found you. Help and composure set in with my bond with you. Now it’s time, there will be no new.
You killed me now
You killed me now
You killed me now
With a mindset without a face. I sulked away with my disgrace. My cuts on my arms are for you. Sorry there’s so many. You killed me now You killed me now You killed me Could you save me?
---------------------------
My Demise
You feel the pain yourself
You slave in my sorrow
With this gun in my hand
I won’t be here tomorrow
I’m sorry for what I’ve done
With a shot, no more pain
I’ll be gone, left in shame
Why are you so fucking vein?
God has lust me, no more sight
We no longer have to fight
Leave me alone, no goodbye
Don’t need to think, don’t cry
Bite the bullet, I just died
----------------------------
ya so i hate all of that, i hate mostly everything i write. i dunno. im tired and its only 9 oclock my neck aches, my head hurts and i think im tired, so goodnight
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| nothing like a cup of olvatine please |
[22 May 2004|09:40am] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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radio frequencies |
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my head slips under the surface of the cold water. my hair floats, wieghtless in the rippling pool. my fully clothed body starts to feel the pain of freezing from the ice-cold water that surrounds me. my brain starts to hurt, my eyes burn with lack of sleep. i hear pounding on the locked door through the shallow water. each hit like a gong rining through the ripples. the banging ceases as they break through. my eyes open and i stare at her face as she looks down at my cold body. i see her lips mouth the unfamillar and overused term of "i love you". is she real or is she being fake again? do i dare to stay alive to find out?
so many things are running through my head. i have made peace with a few of my enemies from school now that school is out, but i am not happy and probably never will be again. my body aches because i only feed it once a day now. my mind draws blanks because i only get 4 hours of sleep at night. i go to bed at eleven or tweleve, but i lay awake and dream of her. i cant get her out of my mind. am i fool to say this and know it would never work out between us?
the production of the compact disc has become tiresome, one problem after another. i want it to be done already. i wasnt to scream my lyrics, distort my guitar and makes sounds that normally wouldnt come from it. i want to destory myself during the process, pour my heart and soul into it and then play it back again to do it all over again. i wont make a difference to anyone with the cd but myself and thats all thats important right? as long as your happy with yourself?
feedback please........
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